I recently saw a woman in a flowy sundress and strappy wedges heading to her gate at the airport. My reactions were, in order:
1. envying her adventurous, travel-filled life
2. coveting her outfit, which I believed would result in me having an adventurous life of my own
That reaction was absurd, because:
I was in the airport after 12 sunny, breezy days of swimming in the ocean, reading in a hammock, hiking through the rain forest, eating my weight in mofongo, and enjoying my husband’s mojito-making skills. I have an adventurous and travel-filled life! To envy someone else for a privilege I already enjoy is whiny nonsense.
Even if I didn’t adventure often, purchasing that outfit, or a new suitcase, or a fancy toiletry kit, would have no bearing whatsoever on the number of stamps in my passport or how deeply I get to know a new place. Owning the “gear” doesn’t mean doing the activity.
Oh, and of course:
3. I actually do own a very similar flowy sundress. And nearly identical strappy wedges. I actively chose not to wear either to the airport for the sake of comfort and convenience. I shouldn’t forget what clothes I own just because they’re not currently on my body. (But we all do, which is why we so often purchase functionally identical pieces when we go to the store without sticking to our shopping and nopping lists.)
Envy isn’t my best look, but it is useful, because it nudges me to tune in to my goals, dreams, and desires.
I have to dig deeper than the material objects, though, because we rarely envy an item itself so much as we envy what that item represents to us: freedom, control, status, passion, power, ease, etc.
I do this by asking myself: What’s the verb?
I’ve envied boho-chic clothing because I wanted to travel. So, I pack the clothes I already own into the luggage I already own after taking time off and budgeting for an adventure.
I’ve envied people’s sleek laptops because I wanted to write and manage an entrepreneurial business. So, I run bmore minimal from my perfectly adequate chromebook after dedicating the wee hours of the morning to my business and blog.
Instead of purchasing new items, we can prioritize our time, money, and energy to invest in those verbs the green-eyed monster is after.